Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Just  wanted to update everyone and share my heart as we go into the holidays. We FINALLY sent immigration off TODAY! Praise the LORD!!  That was a little more drug out than I expected and honestly a month later than I expected but I know God has a reason. Glad it's gone right before Thanksgiving.  Now we wait to hear for our approval and all paper work then gets sent to China.

    As we get closer and closer to the holidays, my heart is so heavy , saddened and happy at all once. I never knew how emotional this process would be when we get to Thanksgiving and Christmas. I knew the process was going to be difficult.  I was warned it would be a emotional roller coaster but you honestly can not get the full grasp of it until your right smack in the middle of it. I mean, when Wes and I were going through invitro, yes it was a draining emotional roller coaster for 6 years!  After having multiple miscarriages you get very anxious, tired and to the point where you just want to call it quits.. God had a different plan. The emotions you go through is life changing and God has taught me many many lessons from that chapter in our life. Well, here we are again. A new chapter.It's exciting, scary, very emotional. I can't  find the right words to explain the feelings that are there.  We have been so incredibly busy trying to do every kind of fund raiser we can think of to raise money. I'm so committed to do whatever it takes but as I get closer to the holidays I can't help but to cry almost daily. My heart aches for Reece so much right now. I wake up thinking about him, praying for him and shedding many tears. I often look at the clock and think 13 hours ahead and imagine what he would be doing at that moment and he has not a clue he has a mama wondering and dreaming about him. Longing to hold him. I'm so saddened at the thought that we are here, carrying on a normal life fixing to celebrate with family and friends the best part of the year and my baby, my Reece is alone, in a orphanage. I have no clue if anyone loves on him,  no clue if he's hungry or is he being fed regularly, no clue if anyone is striking him because he's making too much noise. I'm so longing to hold him and protect him and give him everything he so much deserves. My heart hurts that he is alone. His heart does not know he has a mama and daddy who are desperately trying to get to him by next summer. The emotions are overwhelming. This is all things I didn't expect to feel an go through really. I knew we'd be anxious but my goodness it's a lot to take in.  God is once again teaching me many many many lessons.  I have no choice  but to totally lean and depend on God because he's the one in control. This is a area that even if I wanted to take the reigns... I can't. That's very hard. I can not protect Reece right now. Only God can. I pray constantly for God to wrap his arms around Reece and give him peace where he is. To protect him from harm until we arrive safely to get him. Everything in this journey is a total faith building process and I have to admit it's very hard lessons. But I'm defiantly up to the challenge. There is nothing that God can't handle, there is nothing too big for God. I am comforted in the fact that this is Reece's LAST Thanksgiving and Christmas without a family. That is the most wonderful thought for me! That this time next year.. he will be here with us. He will not be stuck in a orphanage and age out at 14 with no hope for his future. He has a family!!  So for now, I cling to God as I'm suppose to. Knowing that he has set us on this journey and knowing that God never gives us more than we can handle. Knowing God is protecting my sweet baby, knowing that God has this!  Please continue to pray for us and to pray for Reece too. We love you all an are continually grateful for those who have been supporting us. So glad to know such wonderful people!  Hope you all have a very blessed Thanksgiving!